Vous Et Nul Autre
by MyHeroRaven
Summary: "I tried to forget those big blue eyes."


**Title: Vous Et Nul Autre**

**Author: MyHeroRaven**

**Summary: "I tried to forget those big blue eyes."**

**Rating: M**

**WARNINGS: cussing. **

**Dedication: For A Guy Who's There Always: Tech-Man. **

**A/N: I'll explain at the end just in case this confuses some people. **

I tried to forget big blue eyes. It wasn't like anything mattered. So for months I lived my life just like I would have.

_As if nothing had ever happened._

But something _did._

She did. She changed everything. She came into our lives... my life, and changed the whole damn world. She was amazing, her smile could make me forget everything bad about myself, about my past. About _him_. Then Slade came along a ruined everything... that's a lie. It was us, The Titans.

It was _me._

I couldn't give her what she wanted. I couldn't give her what she needed. And just like that everything spun around. The world's axis' were off and I was lost. I didn't know which way to turn. I was never seen as wise. I was seen as the stupid, naive, green geeky kid that just got in everyone's goddamn way. But when she turned, I realized I wasn't a little kid anymore. I was a man fighting for what I wanted, needed, and loved. I couldn't lose her. So I fought. Nearly got my team killed.

Nearly killed _myself_.

I should've known I wouldn't be able to truly save her. But everyone else was so _quick_ to judge. To try and take what she was to me away.

It was like they had set us up...

Just to watch us fall.

I should hate them... all of them. Robin never understood even though I know that everytime he looks in the mirror he sees Slade...

Sees _her. _

He can try and lie to the team, to himself. But he can't lie to me, afterall I knew her best.

It was me who loved her... _loves_ her.

When she went bad I felt as though a hole had punched itself through my chest. And it was gaping and it was bloody and it was pain.

I couldn't do anything. I tried to make her see how I felt, how it was supposed to happen. But she wouldn't listen. She said she was alone.

**I don't have any friends, **_**remember**_**?**

I never would have thought in a trillion year that she could go that bad. That she could have done any of it. And that it could hurt as badly as it did. I lock it in nowadays. I pretend it doesn't effect my every move, my every breath.

_It kills me. _

I don't believe in anything anymore. I don't believe in this world. I don't believe in my friends. I have to pretend to eat because I can't hold anything down. I think Raven knows. She looks at me sadly when she thinks I'm not looking. But she doesn't understand.

No one does.

**Hope you're not expecting a goodbye kiss.**

**Terra you can't...**

**Watch me.**

Everyone thought they had her figured out. Blonde hair Blue eyes, petite. A little odd at times, but an average girl with super powers. Everyone assumed that they knew... knew her life, her dreams, her secrets. But they didn't.

**You don't know anything about me!**

I think deep down she was just like me, lost and confused. Never knowing which way to turn. Fear breeding within her life. I was always scared I'd mess up. I'd piss everyone off, lose everything. At least I had something. She was new in our lives she hadn't yet formed a tight bond with everyone, that might be why they turned so fast.

Deep down she was a little girl scared and lost.

**I don't need you to save me!**

**I don't need saving! I'm not some sad little girl waiting to be rescued! I wanted to be this way. I wanted to go with Slade. I wanted to annihilate you and your pathetic friends. And now, I never want to see your face again.**

She was my angel. I worked so hard to try and save her. I stuck my damn neck on the line for her when I know that all Robin and Raven wanted to do was lock her up and throw away the key. Oh how quickly we all forget the bad that they've done. The bad we've all done at one point or another. They just thought she was dirt that she wasn't worth their time, Raven resented her and Robin had no time for a girl that couldn't even control her own powers.

**I'm just never gonna be good enough for you, am I?**

While underground my mind had whirled. Torn between two worlds. Two truths. One in which she was my angel and I knew deep down that this wasn't like her. That their had to be more to the situation that what met my eyes. And then the one in which I knew she was a monster, cruelty in human form. A hero gone bad. This all seemed painfully familare. Forget it. I needed to will myself to just not think. Because either way I spun it I was 100 ft under and way over my head.

**My name is Terra. And I have done horrible things. I have sworn to serve a dark master. I have obeyed his every command and committed crimes in his name. I have betrayed and attacked everyone who used to be my friend. One by one, I have destroyed the Teen Titans, and with no one left to stop me, I have brought an entire city to its knees. My name is Terra... I have done horrible things... and I have absolutely no regrets.**

She hated us... resented us.

_Loathed us. _

I couldn't believe this situation could have spiralled so far out of control how messed us was this? The girl of my dreams hated me and turned into a monster right before my eyes. She tried to _kill_ us... tried to kill _me_. I acted mad. I acted indignant and furious, when really I was undeniably heart broken. Shattered inside and out. God... this killed me.

So I was cruel and we all went after her. It was time we had to take her down. This was the reality of it all. I was a Hero. I was one who reigned justice upon a city of murders and criminals. She was a criminal and it was my job to take her down.

_Way down._

**Beast Boy, aren't you even gonna talk to me?**

I wanted to save her. Even though down in my gut I felt that the situation may not turn out great. But still I was stupidly optomistic. I have to be. I'm the joker, the kid that looks at the glass as half full, the boy who tries to see the good in any situation.

I was so hurt and so mad and I still loved her with everything I had so I needed to save her. She deserved to be saved. I knew she wasn't a monster. So I pushed her. As hard as I could.

**You have to stop me, Beast Boy, please! I don't want to fight anymore!**

**Then don't let Slade control you anymore!**

**I have no choice...**

**That's a lie! You've always had a choice! It's all been your choice! You chose to work for Slade, chose to betray us, and now you've chosen to give him control! Slade isn't doing this, Terra, you are!**

So I pushed and pushed. Shoving her gently until a large crack appeared in the walls that she had created.

**He's too powerful! I can't stop him!**

**Yes you can. It's your power, not his! You can still control it. You can still do the right thing..!**

And then I pushed a little more.

**It's your life, Terra. Your choice. It's never too late to change.**

**Sorry Beast Boy... For everything I've done...**

And finally my pushing paid off and the walls that had cracked crumbled away into nothing. Less than dust and I knew that she was back, and that I had done what I needed to do. For the city, for the Titans, and for _her._

**You can't control me anymore!**

**You were the best friend I ever had.**

I watched the girl I love destroy herself. To right past wrongs. To make amends. I knew she was never evil. I felt like screaming to the world: I TOLD YOU SO! But what would that prove? What would that have solved? Nothing. It wouldn't bring her back. It wouldnt solve my problems; heal my pain. Nothing but her would.

And she was gone.

**Her name was Terra. She was gifted with tremendous power, and cursed with it as well. She was a dangerous enemy, and a good friend. And she was one of the bravest people I have ever known.**

You were gone.

**I'll never forget you Terra...**

Yeah... she was fucking gone alright. I tried my hardest to bury my feelings. I started to forget. I _moved on._ I was free from the twisted torment that was big blue eyes and soft dimples. I was almost gone. I wasn't eating because I couldn't. I never slept because you were always there _haunting my every dream._ I worked my ass off to become strong. We as Titans faced many trials over the years.

And then the Beast came along. It made me feel good to be a man. I felt like I could be jerk and let it all out all because of her. She just wouldn't go away. Even to this day her room hasn't been touched. I couldn't bear to do it and none of the other Titans wanted to go in there.

And then after a couple years I forgot your smile, those eyes. And I finally got over you... only to have you walk back into my life all over again. Like getting stabbed wasn't enough you had to twist the serated blade into the wound deeper. Thanks a lot.

**There must be something I can say to help her remember.**

**Maybe she doesn't want to remember.**

**Slade! I should have realised you were behind this. Why did you bring Terra back?**

**I had nothing to do with her return.**

**You did something to take away her memory. And you took away her powers!**

**I did nothing, dear boy. If the girl does not remember, or does not use her powers, it is because she chooses so.**

**Why wouldn't Terra want to remember? She was a hero. She had friends. She saved all of us!**

**Dont you see? She no longer wants to remember **_**you.**_

But I soon realized that she wasn't the girl I knew and loved.

**Okay, you've got two minutes.**

**Maybe you don't remember, but **_**I**_** do. You're my friend. You're a Teen Titan.**

**You're wrong.**

**You don't belong here, Terra!**

**Stop calling me that!**

**It's who you are.**

I knew it was her it just felt like it was a different version one that had given up on being special on being a Hero. It was like the past was so painful and she just wanted to be normal. A normal girl with a normal family and a normal life.

**...What do you want from me?**

**Why can't things just go back to the way they were? You were so happy then.**

**Things were **_**never**_** the way you remember. Now just leave me alone.**

**Here, take this. **_**(Gives her his communicator)**_** In case you're in trouble, in case you need me, you can call me any time.**

**I don't need it.**

**But-!**

**Time's up.**

**Terra...**

**Things change, Beast Boy. The girl you want me to be is just a memory.**

I wanted so deeply for her to just turn to me and scream gotcha! And laugh loudly like the past 3 years had just been a joke and that she was here now for me. Because she loved me. But it wasn't a joke, she wasn't laughing and neither was I.

**Come with me.**

**You go. You're the Teen Titan. It's who **_**you**_** are. That's not me. I'm not a hero. I'm not out to save the world. I'm just a girl with a geometry test next period and I haven't studied.**

She walked away from me that day and the sadness overwhelmed me. It hurt so bad that I couldn't stand. When I got the call from Robin I never showed up. I flew to Titans tower and went rummaging through the medical supplies. I grabbed the anti-depressants I had been forced into taking after the 'Beast incident' and made my way to _her_ room. I looked into the mirror and down at my hands. In my right the pill bottle in my left the Heart shaped box I had made for her. I was numb now I couldn't even cry and I set the threw back the bottle and swallowed all the pills. I curled up in a ball gripping Terra's heart in my hands.

Everything had started to go fuzzy when-

"Garfield are you coming to bed soon?"

"Yeah babe just give me a second." I responded. 

I walked over to the fireplace, the old worn diary in my large hands, I was gripping it tightly before I smiled and chucked it into the flames. I turned away and made my way over to my bed. Pulling back the covers I crawled under my arm going around her slim waist. She shifted and turned to me. 

"Baby what were you doing?"

"Just throwing away the past Darling."

She smiled at my, those big blue eyes that stared at me with such love and adoration that it consumed my being. I smiled back. 

"I love you," she whispered. 

"I love you too Terra."

_Vous Et Nul Autre_

_You And No Other_

**P.S. Ok so just to clarify. The regular writing was the diary. The bold the flashbacks and the Underlined is current time. So Beast Boy and Terra ended up together. **

**: ) **

**MyHeroRaven**


End file.
